Four years seems like a long time. A lot can happen and a lot can change, especially people. At the start of my journey, I was miserable. I felt lost and like I was all alone in the world. All that anger and sadness had built up from years of bullying and the harsh words of my peers. That’s when I began cutting. I never really understood why I did that, maybe it was to show the pain I felt on the inside or maybe it was just because it felt good. But like cocaine or heroin, it became an addiction. For most of my freshman year, that’s all I thought about. I needed to cut; I needed to feel something but it had only made me numb. It had gotten so bad that I thought about just ending it all. I felt more lost than ever but I ended up telling the school social worker.
That’s when I was introduced to a whole new world. I was admitted to a hospital where I was able to meet people who understood how I felt. I felt better for a while. Mostly because of the pills. The pills though had ended up making things worse. Once I got back to school and back to the real world, I was different. I felt a little better but I had gained a lot of weight. Once again people started to talk. So once again I had to go to the hospital. This time though, I got a taste of reality.
Things started out normally. After a few days, I started getting bullied there too. Not only by other patients but by the staff as well. One of them would call me a suicide bomber and patients followed suit. That’s when I realized that this was life. Not everyone is going to be nice or fair. I also realized that I needed to change.
This time around, I went back to the world with a different attitude. Along with the help of my awesome therapist, Bridget, I was able to see the good things in life. The second year was a little better. I got out more often and I was able to form relationships with friends and family. I thought less about cutting and more about school. I had to fix the mistakes I had made and I started with my grades.
Third year, also known as my junior year was really great. I had a new look, more friends, and pretty good grades. I couldn’t have done it alone though. Bridget and goofy Dr. Martinez helped out along the way. Sure, sometimes I still felt down and out but I still managed to get back to the better person I knew I could be.
Now it’s my senior year and my journey has finally come to an end. I’ve learned a lot about myself and the world. So here’s what I have learned. This will always be a part of me but it doesn’t define me. I’ve dealt with the worst but I’ve been able to overcome all the obstacles that got sent my way. I’ve used my imagination to create people to help me, but now I’m using it to help myself think of a better future. I’m only human but I know that depression won’t ever defeat me. This whole thing is about me and my journey. But now I see that there’s something bigger than that. There’s the whole world. A whole world to help with their journeys. That’s why I have decided to dedicate my life to teaching the youth. I will show them that they can do anything. I will change the world, one child at a time.
With this final thing, I end my long journey. Life is like a soup. If you add sweet and savory things, then life will be good. But adding too much salt or bad things will make life bad. It makes sense if you think about it. Thanks again to the people who’ve helped me through my journey.
It’s not always life that we have the
Opportunity to feel great.
Better said, we often hold ourselves from
Feeling great.–Dr. Daniel B. Martinez, MD
